Shep's Page

Hometown:

New London, CT

Relationship Status:

Single

About Me:

Licensed Clinical Social Worker and performing musician. I take advantage of any opportunity to play guitar and sing. I like to meet people who like to jam and write songs. I attended school in Boston where
I got a BA in philosophy (60 music credits) and MSW at BC. I miss Cambridge/Boston very much and have often thought of returning but always seem to be anchored in CT since taking a job here post grad school. I love New London because it's on the water and the train station is steps from my place...right between NYC and Boston and there are many good music venues within walking distance...I'm exploring ways to use music...performance and writing...as therapy. An existing field, of course, but I hope to find a way to integrate it into my practice that will allow me to be somewhat improvisational with it.

Favorite Music:

Shawn Colvin; Eva Cassidy; The Band; The Beatles...etc...very predictable for someone of my generation but I definitely listen to all the new stuff I can...there are so many emerging singer/songwriters worthy of note...I try to stay current by watching/listening to anyone I hear of on YouTube...

Favorite Books:

Richard Russo...all of his books...hilarious; insightful; witty
I like stories with themes of spiritual survival where people persevere through circumstances that can demolish most souls but these individuals somehow transform their experiences into something beautiful without turning hateful or apathetic...

Favorite Movies:

Woody Allen...etc...too bad about the step daughter thing but I don't think his moral life detracts from his value as an artist and commentator on the human condition but I'm obviously out-dated in that his name pops to mind first...I'm sure there are many newer filmakers I should think of...

Favorite TV Shows:

Curb Your Enthusiasm...etc...

What do you do to make a living?

Psychotherapy and play music anywhere I can...Immune now to the fear of rejection...got there the hard way...

What kind of hobbies do you have?

walking; camping; running; bicycling; stargazing; songwriting; poetry writing; sailing; etc...

In a world where you were pursuing your deepest, most heartfelt callings, what would you be doing?

playing music almost full-time and living in a communal situation where the central focus of the community is writing new and meaningful songs and performing them on the street and anywhere else possible...also using music, particularly performance/singing as a way of hurling off the constraints on expression so often imposed upon us by societal and family expectation of role.

What is the most important thing you have learned in your life?

To never give up...the next portal will open but often only well after you believe you have endured every possible hurt; humiliation. setback...we cannot control the pace at which the universe moves to reveal itself to us through others...usually. But often times purely and directly through nature...the sea...the sky...the wind...animals...spirits...all at once...unfortunately, sometimes through massive depression.

Describe a belief that you previously held and then subsequently changed. What caused you to change your mind?

that all people will ultimately betray you and usually for very little...I am constantly having to challenge myself to remain open because unfornunately the spirit of the coyote has visited me and I leave myself open and vulnerable almost all the time and seem never to learn. I once had the insight that it is necessary to remain open in order to maintain access to the flow of ideas that the universe is constantly transmitting. But others will hurt you regularly and will not recognize your mission...this must remain a private matter between you and your muse....and your muse only leaves you at death. I like to believe that your muse rejoins you on the other side...although I no longer believe there are "sides" or dimensions as we know them. Being involves physical processes that we cannot perceive due to our perceptual limitations but we sometimes get glimmers of this magic through synchronistic events...it is often almost impossible to interpret these events accurately as we are always trying to impose our own structures over them which restricts the scope of its potential meaning...so I find myself so often just observing or intuiting things that I know I can only wonder at and say : wow! Hopefully these fragments of perception get processed unconsciously and regurgatated through some artistic form of expression before insanity sets in....

Who do you admire most in the world (past and/or present) and why?

Shawn Colvin because she persevered through massive Major Depression; alcoholism and family betrayal...as have I...so she is a role model for me because she transformed all of this into some of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard. Her voice is magical. Moreover, I have a connection with her that defies the boundaries of pure coincidence. It turns out I was born the exact same day: 1-10-56 and I met her at a show in Cambridge Mass @ Passim. I had seen her perform about 3 times and had already told her: "you're the best singer I've ever heard" when upon my 3rd or 4th hearing of her she announced during the show that "it's my birthday". I believe the date was 1-10-88. I approached (as you could in those days) and told her it was my birthday too and sure enough same year too!). I left that night shaken by the synchronicity and wondered long at it's meaning as at that time I was a philosophy/music major and my instrument was voice. I played a Martin d-28 as did she. But I left that show without talking to her more deeply ( I regret this very badly) as it feels like a cosmic introduction in retrospect. Years later (over the past 2 years) I followed up on her biography after listening to some of her newer music and while I was in the worst depression of my life and learned that she had gotten sober in 1983, had suffered from Major Depression; was into running at the time...things all true of me. So I emerged gradually from this depression determined to face my fear of performing and experience the lifestyle of the itinerant musician. Something I had missed as I chose social work school; sold my Martin out of necessity and stopped practicing music for years. I realize now it was because I couldn't visualize myself performing in front of large audiences. Anyway, over the last year I've practiced alot and have begun breaking down psychic barriers and have been playing in every venue I can...sometimes paid, sometimes not. But my confidence grows with every performance and my skill and vocal range. So, while this whole narrative may appear to be delusional, I continue to believe that it is true synchronicity and continue to explore it and am playing in front of people almost every day...so I admire SC because she broke down these barriers so much earlier in her life and was able to access what is most beautiful in herself...so this is my path now and my fantasy is to sing with her before I die...so shoot me! I've come to see that I chose the career of social worker for less than authentic reasons ( I think now to compensate for guilt/shame from drinking years and/or to appease the familial need for fascades of "goodness") Today I strive to separate myself from these fascades and am more willing to embrace my dark side which is a huge resevoir...after all, the universe is mostly dark energy/matter and we cannot even begin to explain what it is or how it affects reality and perception. So all bets are off baby and I just want to sing...it gets me away from thinking and into emoting which is what I long to do and have waited all these years for. So there you have it...Shawn Colvin is my role model and my hope is to transform my abundant store of painful experiences into meaningful songs...I'm in this process now...thank God! I do not want to be on my death bed or in the gutter dying with the regret of never having challenged myself to sing my guts out without the slightest inhibition...if crazy...so be it...

At this turbulent moment in history, what do you think is the most important thing a person can do to help humankind (and the rest of the planet) survive the many dangers that confront us?

Be true to yourself and embrace your dark side with love and take note of his/her wisdom abandon yourself for the approval of others as you will only find your true comrades while in the process of being yourself...as authentically as you can given your present level of self awareness (it is a never ending dialectical process that demands and absolute expectation of massive rejection). From this embracing of yourself all else with follow...a true empathy for others, animals, the beautiful and magnificent earth. If you cannot change something in the world for the better, simple be willing to...keep your heart open with the expectation that your comrades will appear when needed as long as your own colors are evident. But be very cautious and develop your powers of discernment as fully as you can. Sing and play while you are feeling lost....being lost with your true comrades is being lost not at all...

What are your answers to the big questions: Who are we? Where are we from? Why are we here? Where are we headed?

We are a beautiful expression of consciousness and all things strive toward this to the best of their ability...I believe the the universe is so conscious that it would blow our minds if we could plug into it and perceive even a fragment of it. I believe that out unconscious minds are much more than randomly firing neurons...the example of the kid named Savage (I believe it's his name) who writes symphonies as he hears them is evidence of this great reality. He writes for instruments he has never heard or even seen...this is something that experts cannot come close to explaining and the kid (think he may now be about 20) has to write these symphonies down or he feels very distressed...the universe has chosen him as a conduit and he is willing). I believe that the universe is transmitting to all of us but we fail to transcrible because we edit everything and try to fit it into existing norms and structures/paradigms. We must shed all need of approval from family and society and learn to connect directly to these streams...It is very difficult but we must not fear even death because that fear limits our courage which is necessary in order to be an authentic spokesperson for the cosmic flow...we know these people when we hear them....we are headed deeper and deeper and deeper until we realize that dimension just doesn't really exist. The findings of current quantum physics are fascinating..that there "must be" 11 dimensions to reality...not that they're supposing there "might" be...the universe cannot be explained adequately even with an 11 dimensional model. I can't wait to find out what that new particle accelerator in France will discover...boson or no boson? either way, it's interesting...it's is so humbling and leaves us realizing that we cannot afford to limit our thinking in any way whatsoever...and still we must remain connected as people in society...what a challenge! I'm thoroughly lost and this is as it should be....

Why did you decide to join this community?

I was invited by Sharrhan and I hope to find a place where I can fully express my self without censorship...but I need and accept all criticism/feedback as long as it's delivered in a spirit of mutual inquiry and awareness of our own severe limitations. I believe we all have fragments of insight that others need...so take what you need and leave the rest...and I thank all in advance who operate under these basic rules...